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You probably already know that Ira and I are friends here in Bangkok with Yim and Doug who are the co-owners of an excellent restaurant which is also our neighborhood “hangout”. Yim is Thai and Doug is from the US. Thanks to Yim, Ira and I were recently lucky enough to go to a traditional Thai wedding. The daughter of a friend of Yim’s from her old neighborhood got married last Saturday. We really enjoyed the experience and thought you would be interested to know a little about it! I have copied most of the following write-up from a description that someone else wrote.
The wedding day is not a random day. An astrologer has set the best day according to the stars.
I don’t know about this — sounds good to me!
The number of guests in a Thai wedding is always a weird mystery. It is difficult to know the number of guests because invited persons might not come and uninvited persons might come. In Thai custom, it is difficult to know the number of guests as Thai invitation cards are different from invitation cards in foreigners’ norm. In western countries, you see RSVP or regrets only with telephone no. on the bottom left of cards, so the guests can reply whether they can come or not. Thai people don’t answer and so the number of guests is not known exactly. Guests might come with or without their children, with or without friends.
Obviously, Ira and I came as Yim’s friends and were definitely unexpected, but warmly welcomed. Doug and two of their three boys came also.
In the early morning of the wedding day (around 6 a.m. ) monks arrive at the bride’s house. Nine monks are invited.. Prayers are said and the main monk sprinkles holy water on the audience. The newly weds, wearing beautiful Thai clothes, kneel close together and there is a string going from the bride’s head to the groom’s head. On the head it makes a circle. They close their hands making a “WAI” or Thai greeting. Nine trays are placed in front of the monks. Each tray contains several small dishes. After prayers are over, the newly weds give an envelope to each monk. The envelopes contain money. As monks cannot touch money, Thai people give envelopes. Then the monks eat and when the meal is over they go back to the temple. Religious ceremonies are now over.
We arrived at the bride’s house about 7:45 am while the monks were eating. The monks eat inside the house and everyone else is either serving them or waiting around outside. No one else eats until after the monks leave. After the monks were finished, they said some more prayers and then departed in a Toyota van.
As a side note, apparently if the newly weds are not rich enough to afford to bring the monks to the bride’s house, the bride and groom go to the temple in the early morning to make donations and give food offerings to the monks. But, at the wedding we attended, the monks did come to the bride’s house.
After the monks left, everyone who was there began to eat. At this point, none of the groom’s family or friends had arrived — only those of the bride. We all ate and drank — mind you this is now at about 8:30 – 9:00 in the morning!! And we are eating green curry and fish and ….. Around 9:30, the groom’s family and friends arrived and the “doors ceremony” began.
Doors Ceremony
A procession of the groom’s relatives and friends brings gifts and food to the bride’s home. Music is played during the whole procession ceremony. The procession song is called “RAM VONG KLONG YAO” and features a drum. During this ceremony, the groom leads the guests. If the groom’s house is too far from the bride’s house, a place like a bus stop can symbolize the groom’s house. The groom walks to the bride’s house followed by his parents, family and friends.
In our case, the groom’s group had chartered a tour bus for the trip to the bride’s house as they lived across Bangkok (realize that Bangkok has 7 million people and is quite large). The bus dropped them off up the street from us where we couldn’t see them. The groom walked up there to join them, they all assembled and then processed to where the bride, her family, and their friends were waiting.
The groom has to cross symbolic doors before entering into the bride’s house. In traditional Thai weddings, the groom shall cross two gates called “silver gate” and “gold gate”. The gates are on the way from the groom’s home to the bride’s home. To open the gate, the groom must give a gift, i.e. some money to the children. Of course the amount is bigger to open the gold gate than the silver gate. Doors are symbolized by girls holding a chain. Often those girls are the bride’s sisters. At each door the groom is asked if he is rich enough to take care of his wife and his family. He has to give an envelope to each girl in order that they will remove the chain to let him pass. The envelope contains money. Each time a door is symbolically opened, people are shouting.
We did not get a clear picture of the gates. The bride and groom then go into the house for the white thread ceremony while the new arrivals eat and drink and generally make merry.
White thread ceremony
In a room, the newly weds sit close to each other. An old and wise man says auspicious sentences in order to bless the wedding and give hints to the bride. Then white threads are linked to the wrists of the newly weds. Threads are soaked with holy water. In Thai language the Thread ceremony is called “PHITI BAI SRI SU KWAN”. The “BAI SRI” tree is often prepared by friends and neighbours. It is made of banana leaves. It is in the center of the “BAI SRI” ceremony. This ceremony has an Indian origin. The tree shape reminds of the mythic mount Meru (the center of the universe). Some symbolic food is given to the newly weds. The parents attach a white string around the couple wrists and bless the couple.
When this ceremony is completed, the bride and groom come outside and are blessed with good wishes by their family and friends.
Outside the house, the newly weds kneel on a pedestal with their hands clasped together. An old man says auspicious sentences and anoints them on the forehead. The newly weds wear beautiful garlands around the neck. Every guest pours a shell filled with holy water (“NAM SANG”) on the hands of the bride and groom. They say holy sentences and blessings to the newly weds.
We missed the blessings as it was almost 11:00 am and Yim was ready to go — and so were we since we had been up since 5:00 am. After the blessings, everyone goes about their business until the evening when there is a big party with more food and drink. This was to be held at a large restaurant and, again, the exact number of attendees was anybody’s guess. Since we were now part of the group, we were actually included for the evening as well but declined.
Ira and I really enjoyed this special occasion. Since we had studied about Thai weddings in one of our language classes, it was particularly interesting to see the things actually happen and to know some of the specialized vocabulary. Also we have so many fresh memories of another wonderful wedding with very different traditions — Olivia and Aaron’s!
Tags: Thailand